SPOILERS: Batman #35

This was the best Batman and Robin issue from 8 years back, that we've gotten in a while.

SPOILERS: Nightwing #33

Give everyone steroids, I'm sure that'll turn out well.

SPOILERS: Justice League #33

I don't know, Cyborg did a thing? Now we're back to where it began as if nothing happened...

SPOILERS: Batman: Lost #1

This issue is the equivalent of looking in the mirror and saying Grant Morrison's name three times.

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

SPOILERS: Dark Nights: Metal #2


So... I've been dreading writing this issue up, because what follows is a series of events that are so fucking strange and insane, it's hard to make a cohesive write up of it... But, shit, I'll try.

The Spoilers:

Batman has stolen the most dangerous weapon in the universe, and the the Justice League, as well as most of the world's heroes are after him, chasing down false leads. Most of the Justice League find what they believe to be Batman, in a convoy through the Amazon, with Damian behind the wheel of a giant truck, flanked by multiple Batmen on motorcycles. One by one, each Batmen get taken out, until there's one left, and surprise, it's Dick, and instead of a weapon in his bag, he's got a very dangerous flower to plant life. The League asks Cyborg to check to coordinates, and too late, Swamp Thing appears and he's pissed because they're in the Parliament of Trees.

In the truck, Batman hides with Damian, but not for long, as Superman decides to stop fucking around, and flies him out. Superman confronts Bruce asking to let them help him. Bruce tells both Superman and Wonder Woman (eventually makes her way there) that this is only something he can do. Barbatos and his followers have been orchestrating his life, treating Bruce with heavy metals, prepping him to become a portal from the dark multiverse. There's five metals, four of which have already been placed in contact with Bruce when he went up against the owls, fought Joker to the death, used his machine to make him Batman again, and the Nth metal in the cave during the Casting. It's at this point that Superman realizes something is up, and SURPRISE, it's Clayface.

MEANWHILE, AT THE LEGION OF DOOM.

Headquarters that is. Still, gave me a huge "holy shit!" moment. Kendra meets with the rest of the Immortals to discuss how they're to address the current Crisis. Ra's al Ghul, stating his familiarity with Batman, proposes that Batman would be trying to find a way to fight this himself, and bring that fight to Barbatos, then poses the question if there's anywhere that would lead him. Kendra seems to have an idea.

In the Valley of Kings, within the tomb of Khufu, Bruce delves deeper, conversing with Dream, who is called back to wherever he is from before answering Bruce's question: Am I doing the right thing. Superman and Wonder Woman seem to think not, or at least he isn't by trying to take the burden on his own, then ask for what Bruce has in the bag. What is it?

Fucking Baby Darkseid.

God damn Batman has Darkseid in a bag. Why? Because Bruce's one course of action is to use the Omega Sanction to recreate what happened to him that allowed Barbatos to attach himself, but this time take out Barbatos and prevent this all from happening, but it would also erase himself from existence, so that's bad.

What else is bad? Well, the fact that they were all tricked and they're not really in Khufu's tomb, but Hath-Set's. How'd they get tricked? Well, the Judas Tribe was in league with the Court of Owls, and since they know all in Gotham, they knew where Carter Hall's journal was and altered it to lead Batman there.

So here comes the fifth metal, Batmanium, Bruce is treated with it, gets transported to the Dark Multiverse and opens the portal for Barbatos, along with his Batmen and jokerized cannibal Robins who tear the Court to shreds. Unable to deal with the energy coming from the portal, Barbatos seems to suck the  life out of both Wonder Woman and Superman, and everything sure does seem fucked.

The Opinion:

So my opinion is that this series is insane and I love it. I don't really know how else I can describe it. Just the craziest shit happens, from the adaptation of Grant Morrison's lore, to Batman carrying around Darkseid in a bag, to the Legion of Doom's head quarters reappearing. I love every single page, every single panel. It's the most fun I've had reading a comic book in years. If you're sitting here trying to find reasons not to love this, then man, I feel sorry for you. This is pure comic fun.

2 comments :

  1. I was thinking for the first few pages "What did he steal, am I forgetting something from Metal 1?" Nope. He's carrying around Baby Darkseid, who's wearing a pair of Cyclops's sunglasses to contain the Omega Sanction. Because of course Batman designed something to contain the Omega Sanction after Final Crisis. It's not quite Morrisonian, but it's crazy and fun and I can't wait for the rest of this

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  2. Is Baby Darkseid giving the hook em horns sign to the Dark Metal Batmen on the last page?! Very metal! Love the series so far and thanks for the review!

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