Monday, April 13, 2015
RAW is FHIZicho! 04/13/2015
I'm doing this again? Shit, alright. Fine. Wrestling? In the UK? This is all taped, so I could have just looked up spoilers ahead of time in order to prepare funny witty remarks! Buuuuuuuut I didn't, so this is bound to be another incomprehensible mess.
NO PRE-GAME TALK THIS TIME. Because I've seen the spoilers, so I can't really say much to what I think is going to happen.
HERE WE GO, TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT... again.
I'll say it again, John Cena the character may be kind of boring, but I love the way he deals with the crowd taking a dump all over him. At this point, I'm convinced people don't even actually hate Cena. This is just what you're supposed to do.
LOOK IT'S MAGGLE. I saw something on Reddit that needs to happen: Have Bork's music hit, then just have Michael run away into the crowd.
WELL, I'M AFRAID I'VE GOT SOME BAD NEWS, Bad News Barrett... #lolamericawins. But for real, that's the problem with these John Cena open challenges, when he has a title match scheduled for the next PPV, you know he's going to win all of these matches, so I mean... hard to care a bit there.
So in the absence of a match to actually care about, how about we talk about Game of Thrones? Actually... I don't have much to say about that either. It sure was a Game of Thrones episode. I wonder if they're going to have the same twist with the ending as they did in the books, but then again, we've yet to see Lady Stoneheart or whatever, so maybe it'll get cut all together.
Back to the Cena match... I feel like they're all the same. Opponent hits signature moves, Cena kicks out. Cena hits AA, opponent kicks out. Opponent hits finishing move, Cena kicks out. Opponent goes to hit finishing move again, LOL AA. Cena wins.
I don't know what a Russian chain match is, but Lana.
Oh god damn it, the Bellas are on commentary for the next match? Stop this WWE, just stop this. Brie can't talk. You know what would make this Divas Battle royal better? Sasha and Charlotte. just saying. Wait, fuck.. they're putting Rosa back in ring? Jesus christ, get Sasha and Charlotte up here, please. GOOD GOD, she just eliminated two people... and rolled out of the ring. Paige wins... kind of surprised since she just was the number 1 contender... But man that match was kind of a mess. I mean, fuck... Watch the fatal four way between Sasha, Charlotte, Bayley and Becky from the last NXT special, then that. Holy shit there's such a difference.
COMING UP NEXT:
Random Naomi heel turn is random.
Fucking hell, again, I'm going to say Bray should have walked away from Wrestlemania with something to hold on to. "Behold the new face of fear*" *who lost to the old one. See?! It's just ridiculous. Also, I feel like he's talking about Daniel Bryan, I don't know why. Just seems that way. But that's the problem, I don't want to go back to old random ass rambling Bray. By the second promo for Taker, you knew he was talking about Taker... these latest promos just seem to be him saying words for the sake of saying words again.
I still feel bad for the Ascension. Talk about just shitty booking from the very beginning. I've seen enough of the Luchadragons to already be bored by them.
I heard reports that the crowd booed Roman a lot, but it seems like they may have just muted the crowd after the taping... Good god, Vince... He's not ready. Stop. Just start over. "I made Brock Lesnar look different" is the stupidest line ever. Then Roman's just on "I could have beaten Brock, man, I'm telling you, I could have!" and it just sounds sad. OH MY GOD NO ONE WANTS ROMAN TO WIN.
OH GOD. Big Show is in this promo too? Roman and Big Show, talking it out. Jesus christ.
I want to play Bloodborne. I restarted my character and I'm going down a dark path in an attempt to get the platinum trophy in it. Jesus christ, is this Big Show Reigns thing still going on?
WOW. I totally just zoned out. What happened? Randy Orton just beat the tag team champs? Not surprising... Um. This is stupid. Everything is stupid!
and now Seth Rollins and Kane are fighting? I've got to admit, I'm faaaaaading pretty quick here.
Dean Ambrose vs. Adam Rose, what the hell is even happening anymore?
Stardust and Fandango... This Raw is nothing more than a big house show. Why is Fandango talking? Oh wait, he's dumping Roas and going back to his totally over song. Well now, that was funny. Also, lol Rosa.
Kane and Daniel Bryan are interacting like humans? I appreciate the continuity, but also, remember that time Kane tried to murder Daniel?
Yeah... I gave up.