SPOILERS: Batman #30

Savage City begins, and the end of Zero Year is in sight.

SPOILERS: Batman Eternal #2

Gordon is in jail and Batman is trying not to get a bat-boner. Thanks, Obama.

SPOILERS: Batman and Wonder Woman #30

"Natives too hostile, my son is dead. 2 Stars" -Batman's Yelp review of Themyscira

SPOILERS: Harley Quinn #5

Harley and a geriatric patient kill a dude in a coma, LOLZ!

SPOILERS: Batwoman #30

Kate battles Arkham inmates, Maggie battles a Process Server.

SPOILERS: Red Hood and the Outlaws #30

Aliens! Frankenstein! Mismanaged Lobos! Oh my!

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

SPOILERS: Catwoman #15


Guys... I don't want to do this, I really don't... So get ready for an ultra quick, snark filled spoiler write up.

So Selina is riding around in a huge cat-bike in the open, with no disguise or anything, because that's a good idea, right? She meets up with Gwen, and they crash a party, to steal something, or you know, what ever. Once confronted, they jump out a window at the end of one page, then walk out the front door of the building on the next page.

You can't see it, but I'm face-palming pretty hard on my end.

So Selina visits the kid Joker kidnapped last issue and gives him a teddy bear, that's nice.

So then Selina meets up with some contact we've never seen before, or who knows, maybe we have, I can't tell, not like he's well established either way, but apparently established enough for them to make out or whatever. Regardless, she gets a job from him, which I'm pretty sure is Gwen's job, but you know, who cares? Time to go get the Black Diamond from ARGUS in DC!

So Selina forges some stuff, and she's hired at ARGUS, and meets some scientist outside the Black Room, who you may be familiar with if you follow Justice League. All the good stuff is hidden behind a magically sealed wall, which the scientist explains, while Selina uses some mystic key given to her by her make out partner. When the scientist is done talking, Selina's gotten into her Catwoman gear and he's all "WHOA!" But instead of you know, alerting security, he just goes the fuck along with hanging out with a known thief in a room full of the world's most dangerous mystical artifacts, BECAUSE THAT MAKES SENSE.

So they get into the room, while the dumb as shit security guards decided to open fire on the safe that contains the Black Diamond, because it's reacting to the key Selina brought. Apparently, this highly advanced military institution has ordered its guards just to light up anything that acts funny... BECAUSE THAT MAKES SENSE.

So, all the sudden, the narration shifts to the Scientist, because we care who he is, this of course, after he helps Selina figure out a proper weapon to use inside. For a scientist, this guy is pretty stupid, seeing how he asks "WHY IS SHE ATTACKING THE GUARDS" after letting her know all the different types of weapons.

Then she opens the safe or something, and the Black Diamond starts to effect her... whatever.

The Good:

I like Sandoval's art for the most part... it can be a bit weird at times, but it's fun and dynamic.

The Bad: 

I pretty much made smart ass remarks about everything I absolutely hated in this issue. Seriously, this is garbage, and by this, I mean Nocenti's writing. I mentioned on twitter whenever the last Green Arrow issue came out, that I just flipped through it, and thought it was completely incomprehensible. A well told story in comic book form, I feel like one should be able to at least get a very BASIC idea of what's going on just by looking through it. I thought that Green Arrow issue looked like a mess, and sure enough, I thought the same about this issue too. Then I actually read it, swearing under my breath the whole way through. If the stupid, illogical series of events (I dare not call it a "plot") wasn't bad enough, the dialogue wreaks of someone who is just trying way too hard to nail down a character's voice that is completely incorrect regardless! This is not Selina Kyle, simple as that. The way she speaks, the way she acts, nothing about her is smooth, or suave, or cunning, or intelligent, it's just ridiculous. Honestly, at the end of the day, I've got to say, this is just unacceptable. 

The Bottom Line:

I'm done. That's it. Done.

RATING: 1/5

2 comments:

  1. See, I knew you were giving too much credit in praising the DOTF crossover issue of this book. It was weird, confusing and didn't make sense. It may have seemed ok because that is what you can expect from the Joker, but it's not coming from the Joker. It's consistantly coming from the writer. You're right, this isn't Selina Kyle, and this book just plain sucks. And they go and get rid of Gail Simone...hmm, how is she at writing bad girls?

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    1. The weirdness was fine last issue because of Joker, I agree with this. It almost made sense in a weird way, but this is right back with the 0 issue of being straight garbage.

      I don't know what the deal with Gail at DC is going to be going further, but I'd LOVE her to take over Catwoman. I thought she wrote Selina perfectly in Batgirl Annual.

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